Watch out, Tumblr. I have arrived.

I get asked all the time how I have so many followers on Twitter.

It’s not really all that many, compared to other people I follow, but I’m proud of it.

These are some tips and tricks that I’ve learned along the way for those who are trying to be funny or get on Favstar:

1) NEVER steal a tweet. If you aren’t feeling funny, RT someone who is.

Do NOT post some joke you got on an email, a bumper sticker, a joke you heard from a comedian somewhere or at the water cooler. If you get caught plagiarizing, you will be burned at the stake here and may never recover.

2) Delete ALL your @ replies within a few hours. If they are really your friend and care about what you have to say, you’ll be able to direct message them because they are following you.

@ replies make your stream look ugly, and more people will follow you if you just have clever/funny things you came up with on your page.

I’ve unfollowed a ton of people for @ replying too much. I don’t want to see their conversations with others. This is not Skype/Aim/Yahoo Messenger. I’m here to be entertained and entertain people. Instant messaging is for conversations.

DM each other or just create another account for @ replies.

That being said, I WILL leave up @ replies if I find them especially hilarious or important.

3) Follow @favstar and check the leaderboard at http://favstar.fm/

That will show you good formats on how to write/improve your tweets.

Stars are FREE. You can give out as many as you want. Don’t go overboard. My rule of thumb if it makes me smile or giggle, it’s funny and I’ll give it a star.

4) There are only FOUR people that I follow that don’t follow me back.

Go to www.friendorfollow.com and type in your screenname.

Unfollow anyone who isn’t following you back.

I LOVE all my followers and there is no way I could follow them all, but I try and follow people that make me laugh consistently and don’t fill up my Twit-stream with lots of meaningless junk/dribble. There are a very few real life friends thrown in, but mostly I follow hilarious tweeters.

I tend to not follow people if their following/follower ratio is lopsided,

ie Following: 568/Followers:203

It makes you look desperate or like you are trying to hard.

You are NOT showing up in their timeline. They aren’t reading anything you are saying. I give people 2 days to follow me back before I stop following them.

You can still star people that make you laugh on the Favstar Leaderboard if you want to get attention/new followers. They’ll see you more that way, too.

5) Don’t EVER hesitate to ask for help. Ton of Tweeters got a helping hand when they started out and will gladly pay it forward. I pimp people out all the time, trying to get them more followers or on the leaderboard. Make sure you deserve the helping hand, you have to work hard to be funny and make people laugh, and there will be ton of people willing to help you.

6) Flirt your freakin ass off. Everyone likes to feel good about themselves. Everyone wants to feel wanted. This is good for the real world, too. Just make sure you keep it light…there are some psychos/stalkers on here that you’ve gotta watch out for that might miscontrue your flirtation for an actual chance to get you.

7) Be honest. If you are married or have kids or are single, NOBODY cares! They will flirt with you and star your tweets regardless. Twitter is kinda like a bar full of awesome people. Just be real. The best tweets are the shit that happens in real life anyway.

8) Put your best foot forward. If you want to be incognito, that’s fine, but if you are going to put a pic up, make sure it’s your most attractive one. Crop it so you look sexy. Change it up to get people’s feedback. Everyone wants to follow sexy people.

9) Make Friends! Listen to what they are going through, be a sympathetic ear. I’ve made some of the coolest/life-enhancing friends here. By being a good one. Whenever anyone needs me, I’ll try and be there for them.

10) Follow the golden rule and don’t take it too seriously. There are certain subjects that come up…such as yesterday we had tweet thiefs//fake accounts being racist in someone else’s image//a chick that pretended like she was a dude to get a girl to like her//etc. There are REAL people behind these computers. But “It’s just Twitter’, and most everything blows over. If your morals and heart are in the right place, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Just pick your battles. People come here to escape drama, not be involved in it.

11) Follow Fridays on Fridays rarely work cuz EVERYONE is doing it. If you want to suggest someone that everyone should follow…do it any day but Friday.

12) DON’T DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT!! Almost everyone gets fed up with Twitter. The ones that delete their accounts ALWAYS regret it. Just don’t log in for a few days if you need a break. It’s not worth losing all that hard work you spent getting followers and being funny and it pisses people off and makes them not trust you when you re-open an account. Who wants to follow someone and give them stars if they are just going to throw it all away next time they get cranky?

Good luck, have fun, I’m here to help =)

xoxo

@Monikkab